Chuck Norris и Java

Да започнем седмицата с усмивка:-)

И така, какво ли общо има Чък Норис с Java езика за програмиране?

Ами нищо… освен следния смешен списък, съставен от фенове на Java (и Чък, естествено;-)

  • Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
  • Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
  • Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
  • A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
  • Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
  • When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
  • The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
  • Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
  • Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
  • Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
  • Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
  • Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
  • If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.
  • Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
  • Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
  • Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws.
  • Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates.
  • Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
  • Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
  • Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
  • Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
  • Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively.
  • Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
  • When a CPU loads a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
  • Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
  • Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.
  • Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
  • Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
  • JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
  • Chuck Norris extends God.
  • Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
  • Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
  • Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.

(via: http://www.methegeek.com/?p=60)

На “Java кодът на Чък Норис няма нужда от оптимизиране. Неговият код е толкова бърз, че веднъж превиши скоростта на светлината по време на тестове в лабораториите на Sun, заедно с това убивайки 37 човека.”, “Чък Норис не пише код. Той гледа екрана на компютъра, докато не намери програмата, която му трябва.”, и “Класовете на Чък Норис не могат да бъдат декомпилирани… не се и опитвайте!” се смях на глас:)

(Note: Сетих се и за “Фактите за Чък Норис“, естествено…)

3 comments |



Comments to “Chuck Norris и Java”:

  1. Свилен Says:
    1

    Чък Норис вършее на няколко фронта – както в ИТ, така и във финансовия свят. Лаик като мен разбра около половината, но най ми харесаха:

    “Чък Норис не взема назаем от Федералния резерв, той е негов кредитор” и “Чък Норис не е играч на пазара; той е пазарът.”

  2. Димитър Says:
    2

    Bulgarian localization – replace “Chuck Norris” with “Бойко Борисов”.

  3. [vladi] Says:
    3

    ;-)

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